


Equilibrium

by vands88



Category: Campaign (Podcast)
Genre: Body Image, Character Study, Eventual Happy Ending, Light BDSM, M/M, Pining, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Porn with Feelings, Self-Esteem Issues, Unrequited Love, i'm so proud of him, zero grows so much y'all
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-27
Updated: 2019-09-27
Packaged: 2020-10-29 08:54:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20793989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vands88/pseuds/vands88
Summary: Blue always gets what he wants. He wants Zero.





	Equilibrium

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Prim_the_Amazing](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Prim_the_Amazing/gifts).

> A very belated Fandom Trumps Hate fill for Prim because, let’s face it, this angsty zeblue porn always had your name on it. Thank you for the excuse to write our bratty little Blue and his lovesick fool of a bodyguard.
> 
> This fic comes with your zeblue usual warnings for dubcon, a little light bondage, and some D/s vibes.

If Blue wants something, Blue gets it. This has pretty much been the rule of thumb ever since Zero was first in his employ six years ago, so it’s extremely troubling when Blue starts looking at Zero in the same way he looks at a new datapad model - with awe, and longing, and just the tip of his tongue darting out to touch the corner of his mouth…

Yeeeeeah, he’s in trouble.

It kinda makes sense when Zero thinks about it. Like, Blue is twenty-one now, and has _needs _and it’s not like he meets many viable candidates in his line of work. Zero probably seems like a reasonable short-term solution to his predicament. Something new and exciting for him to try on.

The problem is what happens to Blue’s new and shiny toys after he’s tired of playing with them; when something new catches his eye and Blue thoughtlessly tosses whatever it was out the airlock. Zero doesn’t want to be just another one of Blue’s discarded playthings floating around asteroid belts in the Outer Rim. But… he will be. The technology Zero needs to function meets Blue’s high standards, of course it does, but the rest of him - the organic parts - definitely do not. There is nothing pretty there. Nothing but scars and matted fur.

Blue probably hasn’t even considered the physicality of it, of what lies beneath Zero’s helmet, of the vulnerability he’d be asking of Zero... He probably hasn’t even thought past the exhilarating thought of seducing his bodyguard. How _novel _it would be. How _fun_. How_ interesting_.

Zero would resent Blue for it if he thought his disregard for his feelings was due to callousness and not a side effect of his insatiable curiosity. But, Zero _knows_ Blue. So he sees that look in his eye, the one that says _I always get what I want _and a small part of him wants Blue to take it, even though he knows he’d be taking a lot more than just space in his bed.

He won’t be able to dissuade Blue - he’s never once been able to talk him out of his cracked ideas - but Zero has, on more than one occasion, been able to minimise the damage. And so he makes a deal with himself: he’ll give Blue what he wants, but he won’t get to take Zero in return. Boundaries will be established. The helmet will stay on. And, soon enough, Blue will get bored and equilibrium will be restored.

_Easy_.

-

Blue turns up at his door one night wearing ridiculously short silk pyjama shorts and a matching vest top and Zero momentarily thinks he's slipped into a porno. The shorts are so short that he can see how the light dusting of copper hair on his legs appears to get darker towards the fabric. The material of his vest top is so karking thin that Zero can see the outline of two hardened nipples pushing against them. The pale blue silk matches the colour of his eyes. And then, he dares to lick his lips and ask, ever so casually, if Zero can help him with a “little something”.

Zero licks his own lips in response, suddenly parched. “What?” he croaks, even though he knows _exactly_ 'what’.

Blue meets his eyes and if Zero didn't have a boner before, that definitely did it. His pupils are as dilated as a black hole and Zero just wants to dive right in.

Zero is up from him bunk before he can even process the fact, striding towards Blue as if pulled by a magnet.

What were his rules again? What was he going to do when this happened? He suddenly can't remember. He's struggling to remember even his own name as he sees Blue's adam's apple bob before him.

“I said…” Blue says, awfully shyly, his hands noticeably shaking as his fingers reach for the fastener on Zero's leather jacket, and _force_, if Zero doesn't watch every centimetre of the approach as if it's the most captivating sight in the galaxy, “that I want your _help_ with something…”

Blue's fingertips finally connect with the leather when he says that and Zero can feel his heartbeat thunder in his ears. Blue's eyes flicker up to his visor, full of uncertainty, and Zero's breath catches.

Maybe this isn't as set in stone as he thought. He thought Blue would somehow manipulate him into this; that he wouldn't have much of a choice in the matter. But Blue's actually giving him the chance to say no. Blue's not ordering him into this; instead he's making _himself_ vulnerable. Zero could reject him right now and he thinks Blue would actually listen. Better yet, he might actually have the power to make Blue rue this entire venture. He could laugh. Mock. Call him desperate. He has the power to make Blue feel really shitty about this for a good long while.

He _could_ do that.

But, he looks down into those wide and fragile blue eyes, feels the warming of his heart, and knows he can't do anything so cruel. And selfishly, he wants this too. However different their reasons for it are.

“What, uh…” it occurs to Zero only halfway through the sentence how incredibly bad at flirting he is. “What can I _help_ with?”

He throws up a winky face on his visor at the end, just in case his tone failed to convey how much he'd very much like to have sex now please.

Blue's hesitation turns into a sultry smile in the blink of an eye and suddenly the fingertip latched to his jacket turns _demanding_ and tugs Zero towards him. Zero stumbles into him, completely uncoordinated, and only manages to stop himself from crushing Blue by quickly throwing up a sturdy palm against the wall behind them. Before he can even recover, there's a hardness rubbing against his thigh with intent. Zero makes a strangled noise that he would later deny ever having made.

“Right...with _that_,” Zero murmurs and tries to bring his brain back online. He had a plan. He was going to remember his plan. Boundaries. He was going to set some boundaries.

With that sobering thought, Zero reaches behind them to slam the lock on the door. The last thing he needs are the others discovering their ill-advised tryst.

Zero looks back at Blue, drinking in the sight before him, because if this all goes to plan, it might be the last time Blue ever looks at him like that and he's pathetic enough to want to commit it to memory. “Yeah,” he says distractedly, letting his thigh press ever so slightly into the contact. “I can help with that.”

Blue's grin widens and his hand flattens against his chest but before his curiosity can lead him further afield, Zero grabs Blue's dainty little wrists in a single grasp and pins them above their heads. He had planned for this, and had even anticipated the way Blue would pout at being denied, but he hadn't counted on the little moan Blue would make at the restriction. Even Blue looks a little surprised by his reaction. Zero grins behind his visor and files _that_ away for his future wankbank.

Zero intends to dive straight under Blue's waistband with his other hand - still gloved, of course - to reaffirm to Blue how this is only a brief, impersonal interaction and nothing else. But then, predictably, he gets distracted on the way down... His eyes linger on Blue's open lips, and then his flushed chest, and then his hand is slipping under that open vest to thumb at Blue's pert nipple.

Blue whines at the sensitive touch and jerks against his restraint. Zero has never been so turned on in his life. Blue's eyes are closed in bliss, a blush high on his cheeks; his mouth open and panting. Despite all the boundaries Zero swore he'd uphold, in that moment, he wants to abandon it all. He wants to tear off his helmet, take Blue's own perfect lips between his gnarled ones, rip off his gloves and his clothes and feel every inch of that beautiful soft skin against his own hideous hide… but he knows Blue would never want such a thing.

Which is why, painstakingly, he withdraws, closing his eyes against further temptation as he pushes his hand into Blue's obscenely short shorts and gets to business.

Even through the leather gloves, Zero can feel the warmth of Blue's hardness like a siren's call. He's so hard already, it won't take long, and Zero is equal parts relieved and disappointed. Make it short, and impersonal, and Blue will get bored. That's the plan. Just one quick hand job and equilibrium will be restored. That's what Zero tries to tell himself as Blue makes those little gasps, as he feels the slick of precum and sweat against his gloves, as he buries his helmet between the wall and Blue's bared neck and tries not to bask in the scent of him.

It's fast and rough and probably doesn't feel anywhere near as good as Blue is making it sound to be, but Zero needs it to be over. He's painfully hard himself. He just needs to be done with this already.

But then, Blue starts whimpering his name. His _actual_ name. And Zero ruts into Blue's hip instinctively. He swears and he tries to stop himself, but then Blue is saying his name again, and it sounds so beautiful, like it doesn't have any right to be sounding, and Zero loses all restraint.

“Yes, yes,” Blue is murmuring, and Zero doesn't know if it's encouragement for the handjob or for his own mindless rutting because they are suddenly one and the same thing.

Zero groans, basking in the heat and friction and chaotic beauty of it, because he will be reliving this moment in his mind over and over and over again and doesn't want to forget a single noise Blue pants into his ear.

Then Blue becomes even more distressed - his breath quicker, and his movements against the restraints more frantic, and Zero pulls back just slightly to witness it, as Blue's back arches, his mouth opens on a silent moan, and Zero feels spilled heat between his fingers. Zero wants to keep his eyes open, wants to remember every single nuance of the moment, but his eyes flutter shut at the overwhelming sensations and he's too gone to fight it. He ruts just a couple more times against Blue's side and comes with a wordless shout.

He cringes internally as soon as his brain comes back online. He hadn't meant to come. He hadn't meant to give Blue any indication that he wants this as badly as he does. He wasn't meant to do anything that would encourage Blue to come back. But as the sticky, cooling, substance in his pants attests to, he karked that up royally.

He risks a look over at Blue but the guy's still blissed out, slumped against the wall like he's contemplating sleeping there. That's definitely on the list of Things That Can't Happen.

Zero lets go of his wrists and steps back an inch. He watches as Blue tests out his reddened wrist joints with a blush still on his cheeks. It's a strangely captivating sight.

Zero tries to remember what his kriffing plan was for post-coital chat but his mind is still a little fuzzy and the sight of a sleepy, sated, Blue in front of him is very distracting. “Uh,” he starts, and then stops, because for some reason he can't think of a single thing to say.

He had a plan. He knows he had a plan. But right now all he wants to do is press his lips gently against Blue's reddened skin and guide him back into his arms; to know what it's like to fall asleep tucked around him; to feel his breaths even out into a slumber and wake up to the sight of that ridiculous ginger hair splayed across his chest. He needs to know if he would look just as beautiful then as he does now.

Blue's very real fingertips against his gloves pulls him out of his fantasy. Zero instinctively jerks away from the touch. He feels the indentation of transferred heat on his palm even as he puts distance between them again.

He has a plan. One that doesn't allow for naive fantasies or gentle touches. He can't indulge in any of that nonsense if he's to get out of this intact.

Blue must sense the sudden gulf between them because he straightens and hides his inquisitive hand behind his back as if he had never dared to reach for Zero's hand. He awkwardly tucks himself away and Zero averts his eyes. He only turns back when Blue clears his throat. “That was adequate, thank you.”

“Adequate, huh?” Zero can't help but tease. “Coming from you that's high praise.”

Blue's lips twist up into a familiar smirk and a sense of normality falls back over them. Equilibrium restored. Exactly what Zero wanted. He ought to be relieved when Blue says goodnight not a moment later and disappears out the door. And he is, a little, but it doesn't explain why there's a little hollow of disappointment in his chest when Zero returns to his bed alone.

-

Zero optimistically thought that one “adequate” handjob might have satisfied Blue's curiosity but he is proved wrong within literal seconds of being in his presence the next morning. Blue is still _looking_ at him. But this is worse somehow. Less curiosity, more… hunger.

Zero has never seen such a look from his boss before and he's honestly a little scared. Scared and _horny_.

Blue is openly flirting with him every time backs are turned. Little winks and innuendos. One time Blue bent down to retrieve a stylus that he had “accidentally” dropped and nearly caused Zero to have an aneurysm.

Work hours are barely even over when Blue lets himself into Zero's quarters and locks the door behind him with a sultry smile.

With that smile Zero suddenly finds himself not only regretting getting himself into this situation, but regretting taking this employment in the first place. Man, he could be systems away from here and that kriffing smile.

“You know,” Blue says, with all the confidence he was lacking in yesterday's seduction, “That wasn't really what I was after when I came to find you yesterday.”

Zero swallows nervously. He has a feeling where this is heading. “Oh yeah?” he asks, rising from his bed and trying not to look too damn eager.

Blue nods, biting his lip in contemplation as his eyes rake over Zero with interest.

The intense analysis suddenly makes Zero incredibly uncomfortable and he has to look away in an attempt to shield himself from that critical gaze. This is why he has a plan, he reminds himself. So he'll never have to see that look again once Blue's had his fun. He knows if Blue could see beneath his exterior, that look would be disgusted, not lustful. This is all fake. A fantasy. The contrived nature of it makes his stomach turn, just briefly, before Blue pulls him back in with his carefully woven temptation.

“Don't act all innocent,” he says. “You know what I like. You know what I _want_.”

Zero swallows nervously. Now he definitely knows where this is heading.

Yeah. He knows what Blue likes. Or rather, he can guess. From the company he keeps when they're planetside. From the rumours he hears after the fact. (Some of which have resulted in a fist fight or two - the word “cockslut” actually landed a guy in hospital once.)

Zero's never particularly liked the idea of Blue being with virtual strangers who are sometimes nearly twice his damn size. Zero normally spends the whole time pacing outside the closed doors, waiting for one of these encounters to go wrong, entertaining horrid images of one of these brutes being done with Blue's attitude and just _taking_ what they want… but Blue likes what he likes, and he always gets what he wants. And, hey, if it gives his bodyguard a near heart attack every time, what's the harm, right?

Perhaps Zero ought to be thankful that Blue came to him this time. (And on the tails of this realisation comes another when Zero realises that he must be Blue's _type_.)

“Yeah,” Zero says when he's finally processed what's being asked of him. “I know… I mean, I didn't want to _assume_. But...yeah, I-” he swallows his nerves and tries again. “Yeah, I can fuck you.”

“Excellent,” Blue says, like they're discussing something as mundane as where to get good caf. The blush on his cheeks is the only thing that betrays his confidence.

This is okay, Zero thinks, as Blue strips unashamedly in front of him. This, technically, still follows the rules. His clothes can stay on. They can stay away from the bed. It's not going to be at all tender or romantic. And, most importantly, the helmet stays on. It's almost as impersonal as a handjob when he thinks of it that way. And who knows? Maybe once Blue gets his fix of what Zero assumes is his regular brand of fucking then he might actually be satisfied and put this whole thing to bed.

This seems like a perfectly logical reason for following through until Zero's got Blue's little legs wrapped around his waist, a slicked gloved finger breaching his entrance and Blue makes a noise that _has _to be illegal.

Holy _smokes, _Zero regrets this. That sound? That sound will haunt him to his _grave_. How the hell did he think he'd survive fucking Blue? What monetarily lapse of judgement made him think this would be _impersonal_??? There is nothing impersonal about the way Blue is moaning his name. _Nothing_.

If Zero thought the sights and sounds of Blue yesterday was torture, it has nothing on this. He sounds like he should be in a karking porno. Zero should probably care that the entirety of the Bluebird probably heard that obscene moan but he's too busy internally debating if he never wants to hear that sound again or if he will make it his life's mission to hear that sound every kriffing day of his life.

He never realised how much Blue must love this until now, but as he works him open and those _sounds_ keep coming, Zero knows without a doubt exactly why those nameless men didn't strangle Blue on sight. It's intoxicating. By the time Zero is three fingers deep, he's almost as gone as Blue, pulled to the edge of desperation by those beautiful, unrestrained, moans panted loudly against his ear. He's never been so turned on in his _life_ and he's not even in him yet.

Oh _Force_. He's not even in him yet. What kind of sounds is Blue gonna make when he's _in_ him?

And this is when an almost holy revelation hits him…

_Technically_ Zero never verbally agreed to putting his dick anywhere. Oh sure, he said he _could_ fuck Blue, but not that he actually _would_. So if he can make Blue come just from fingering him then there’s no need to go any further at all…

It’s _genius_, pure genius.

Blue’s fingers graze his neck ever so slightly and it jars Zero into clarity. Blue isn’t restrained. In Zero's eagerness to fuck him, he had forgotten to tie Blue's hands out the way and now they were starting to wander, across his shoulders, _under his suit_, and…

Yeah. He needs to end this. _Now_. Before all the boundaries he’s established are blown out the airlock.

Zero shifts so Blue’s weight is entirely supported by the wall and the press of Zero’s body and he’s able to free up his other hand. The new position must also drive Zero’s fingers deeper inside him because Blue whines at an all new pitch and starts clawing at his back and it’s all very good and distracting and Zero is very confident that this new plan is going to work when his freed hand starts working Blue’s dick and Blue loses his goddamn _mind_. He starts wriggling against the wall, like he’s trying to get the most of both the hand up his ass and the hand on his dick, and ends up, like, oscillating between the two like an idiot. Objectively, Zero knows he should not be finding this as hot as he is but he’s a weak-minded fool in love with the sweaty, writhing, mess of limbs between his hands, and he knows it. He’s never seen Blue so out of control and he’s goddamn _high_ on it.

Blue starts murmuring what could be objections or encouragements, or, more likely, _both_, but before Zero can make sense of any of them, Blue’s back is arching against the wall and his little fists are banging in annoyance against Zero’s back, and there’s thick ropes of cum landing with a splatter against his suit.

Blue is drawing in deep breaths of air, looking utterly debauched and pissed and adorable, as Zero extracts his hands and uses them to support his exhausted body once again.

“You,” Blue manages to say with a sex-scratched voice, “did that,” another gasp for air, “on purpose.”

Zero’s very glad his face is hidden behind a visor because there’s no way he could hide just how damn smug he was otherwise. He barely suppresses a cackle as he answers faux-innocently, “What? Made you come? I thought you wanted-”

Blue’s fist bangs against his shoulder and it’s adorable how weak it is. “I wanted you to-” he breaks off with a whine, and Zero needs to stop finding everything he does so damn cute. “You know what I wanted!” he says petulantly.

Zero bites down on another smug chuckle and shrugs nonchalantly, “Ah, well, maybe if you lasted a little longer…”

This is the phrase that turns Blue into a full-on grump and not a second later he’s stooped to pick up his clothes and is striding for the door. “You know what you did,” he says cuttingly. “Don’t make this out to be my fault.”

Zero stares at the closed door long after Blue’s gone. Turns out, guilt is a real boner-wilter.

-

Here’s the thing: Zero shouldn’t be feeling guilty about a single goddamn thing. When you think about it, _Blue_ is the one guilting him into sex, and _Zero_ is the one who’s lying back and thinking of the Empire. If anyone gets to feel used here, it should be Zero.

...Except that Blue _did_ give him an out and Zero isn’t exactly an uninterested party.

Still, he shouldn’t be feeling guilty. Zero knows it’s real shitty to agree to a sexual act and then change plans midway through without the other partner’s consent, and then, uh, kinda gaslight them about it afterwards, but there were other factors at play, alright? Like… Blue’s fingers on his skin. And… And…

Alright, it was just plain shitty.

Maybe he should have just told Blue that he had boundaries. If Blue knew he didn’t want to be touched, maybe he would have listened and not been touched. If Blue knew Zero was freaking out about Blue seeing his dick or whatever, he would’ve just accepted a blindfold, no need for a change of plans at all. But….

But if Zero tells Blue he has boundaries - and a lot of them - it’s bound to spark the question “why?” and the answer “Oh, I don’t know, Adnau, maybe because I’m painfully in love with you and if you see the real me you’ll be disgusted and won’t ever want to be near me again and I don’t want to be crushed like a space beetle when that happens” might not go down so well.

It’s not exactly a conversation Zero can have, but then he figures they’ve always been crap at communication, and so what if they’ve just added another dimension to it? So. Karking. What.

-

Blue freezes him out for a whole day after, but then they're on a mission and something goes wrong like it always does, and Blue gets himself in trouble, and Zero internally has a panic attack but externally saves the damn day, and then _immediately _afterwards - as in, Blue's still in Zero's arms being carried away from rebel gunfire - Blue starts looking at Zero like he's something to _eat_.

Zero shakes it off because HELLO THEY'RE BEING SHOT AT but by the time they get back to the shuttle, that _look _is still there and it's getting real hard to ignore. Blue hasn't even looked away from Zero during the whole damn escape and now it’s just them, alone, on a shuttle set to autopilot with an entire forty six minutes before they’re due to dock on the Bluebird.

Yeeeeah they’re gonna fuck.

Zero has barely even stepped away from the controls when Blue falls to his knees and starts mouthing at his dick through his blood-stained pants.

Zero’s curse falters on his lips, his mind screaming YES FORCE YES and NO KARK NO simultaneously at the sight. YES Blue on his knees, YES how damn good this feels, but NO this is definitely _not_ on the list of acceptable activities. But Zero’s gloved fingers have already found their way into his beautifully soft hair and ---

NO NO NO

Zero grips the hair and gently but firmly pulls upwards. Blue yelps but rises with a blush on his cheeks - “you were so good today, you saved me, I-”

“I’m going to give you want you want,” Zero says, mostly to stop his rambling.

It works. Blue stills, as motionless as a statue, and then leaps into action, producing a bottle of lube from his satchel (really, Blue?) and pushes it into Zero’s hands. “No messing around this time,” he orders. “I need you.”

There’s no reason why those three words make Zero harder than an asteroid but he’s got no time to examine it as Blue reaches for his pants and Zero startles back into reality.

Zero catches his wandering hands just in time and before Blue’s frown can turn into a question, Zero scoops him back up in his arms and pushes him back against the wall of the shuttle.

Blue makes a delighted squeal of surprise and _force_ it makes Zero want to do this every minute of every hour. He knows this probably isn’t a good idea. There’s a reason why he backed out of fucking him last time after all, but there’s still adrenaline pumping through him and he needs the release just as much as Blue right now. It’s gonna feel so _good _and he wants, oh force, does he _want_.

In Zero’s last moment of clarity, he turns Blue away from him. If he sees the exquisite expressions Blue is about to make, it’s going to haunt him for the rest of his life. The sounds… the sounds he’s going to have to live with. But he can still salvage a little bit of his sanity if he fucks him from behind. And, force, Blue loves being manhandled so much that he’s not even complaining, just panting against the wall and spreading his legs oh so invitingly. There’s a dusting of freckles against the stark white of his ass cheeks and Zero both loves and hates that this is now something he knows.

“Please,” Blue begs and Zero nearly loses his load. He doesn’t think he’s ever heard Blue _beg_ before.

Zero can’t say no to that. He can even see Blue’s hole, open and ready for him. “Yeah,” he says, not even a thought. His hand reaches for his shoulder blade, reassuring him. “I’m gonna, I’m gonna.”

He untucks, slicks himself up, and tosses the bottle to the floor, all in record time. Blue’s little impatient whines are the best motivation and Blue’s being so good, not turning back to look, just waiting for Zero to come to him, like he knows he will.

Zero presses himself up behind him, and despite the adrenaline pushing him on, takes just a moment to breath it in - Blue’s scent, his excited hitch of breath, the heat of their skin tantalisingly close. He wishes…

He closes his eyes on a sigh. He wishes for a lot of things. But what he has is this, and this is still more than he thought he’d have.

He pushes in, tortuously slow, and from Blue’s lips fall a litany of filth that Zero wishes he was in a better mind to catalogue. _Force_. The reality eclipses all fantasies. It should just be like a regular fuck - the friction, the heat, the intimacy - biologically, it’s the kriffing same. But… it’s _Blue_ and somehow this changes everything. As inch by inch disappears inside him all he can think is_ it’s Blue, it’s Blue, oh force, I’m actually fucking Blue _and it makes every sensation sharper; more potent.

By the time he’s fully sheathed, he has to take a moment to reclaim some sanity. He lets out a shaky breath against the back of Blue’s neck, thankful that his helmet is hiding just how wrecked he is beneath, and tries to adjust to this new reality: him in Blue. Him _in_ Blue.

Oh, _Force_.

He’s so focused on himself that it takes him a moment to recognise that Blue _gave him a moment_. None of the usual pushy demands. No loud, pornographic sounds. Zero had figured if he was _that_ loud when he was just being fingered then this would have been even louder but… He replays back the last ten seconds on his visor to make sure. There were filthy whispers of assent when he was entering him but as soon as he was fully seated Blue just let out a single soft moan and then _nothing_ since.

Carefully, because he has to make sure, Zero wraps an arm around Blue’s middle and levers his limp body slightly away from the wall. “You okay, buddy?”

Blue falls back against him, lazily stretching an arm out around his neck, and makes some kinda contented mew like a space cat in the sunshine. There’s a blush high on his cheeks but his eyes are closed and his _entire_ body is relaxed, like a puppet with its strings cut.

Zero smiles sappily to himself at the sight. Blue is totally blissed out. He presses his helmet against his hair in a mockery of a kiss. “You really do love this, huh?”

Blue lets out another contented noise, and this time when his fingertips graze the slither of exposed skin at his neck, Zero doesn’t bolt. It’s kinda nice. Grounding.

“Complete,” Blue murmurs.

Zero’s heart constricts, flip-flops, and plummets all within the seconds in takes him to understand the meaning: _Zero_ doesn’t complete him, no, a massive dick stuck in his ass completes him. Easy misunderstanding.

Zero swallows his feelings, the damn things karking everything up as usual, and levers them back against the shuttle wall, keeping that one hand to prop up Blue’s ragdoll body, and using the other to use as leverage them against the wall. He isn’t going to let _feelings_ get in the way of a good post-battle fucking.

He closes his eyes and starts moving and is almost relieved when Blue’s mewling turns to hitched breaths, turns to moans, turns to _screaming_. Loud, mouthy, Blue is to be expected. Soft, pliant, Blue is the thing he can’t handle.

As soon as he lets his animal instincts take over, his brain, thankfully, goes offline. He barely manages a couple of restrained, controlled thrusts, before Blue starts making those _noises_, and Zero starts pounding into him, led by instinct. As Blue’s noises get more obscene, so does Zero’s fucking, caught in a vicious cycle, until they’re rutting mindlessly and screaming loudly enough that the nearest planet can probably hear them. Thank the Empire that they’re finally doing this now, loud and unrestrained in the middle of nowhere, and not within the thin walls of the Bluebird.

Everything is starting to get unbearably hot and Zero wants to tear off his helmet and strip off his clothes and fuck Blue the way nature intended, but he _can’t_ and it only adds to his building frustration.

Blue has started clawing at the wall and Zero knows he’s close and wishes he had a third hand to help him along. “Touch yourself,” he growls and Blue follows the command instantly, as if he was just _waiting_ for permission.

Zero moans as Blue bucks into his hand. They are gonna have to play with _that_ when they’ve got the time.

He pounds even more ruthlessly into Blue’s willing body, trying to drive even deeper, even harder. Blue’s moans start rising in pitch, almost like he’s pleading, and Zero knows exactly what’s asking for.

“Come,” he orders, “You can come,” and not ten seconds later, Blue starts jerking between them.

The power trip probably sends Zero over the edge more than anything else because he’s coming mere milliseconds later, gasping in surprise, as he spills his seed inside him.

_Holy smokes_, that was good. Maybe they're not bad at communication at all. Maybe they just needed to have been fucking this entire time.

Somewhere, through the haze, Zero hears a distant beeping. He takes in a couple of deep breaths, extracts himself from Blue, and the next time the beep sounds, he is able to register where they are and what is happening. He groans, exhausted. “We’re being hailed.”

Blue makes a strangled sound of protest which somehow mirrors Zero’s exact thoughts. Now that they’ve fucked out the adrenaline, all he wants to do is to _nap_. Or, like, shower and nap. But definitely nap. Damn reality for intruding.

“That was not,” Blue says, still struggling for air as he turns round - blushed and debauched and utterly adorable - “forty six minutes.”

Zero tucks himself away and glances over at the chrono on the dashboard. “No,” he says, “It was forty _eight_ minutes.”

-

For a while after, their lives are just non-stop chaos. The rebels are being dicks. Their bosses are being dicks. Local civilians are being dicks. All in all, it’s near three days without sex. And, sure, they’ve been busy, but there’s also a not-insignificant part of Zero that says that maybe now Blue has gotten what he wanted, he’ll be moving onto the next thing.

Zero tries not to care about it one way or the other. He knew he _would_ be replaced, eventually, like all of Blue’s other toys, but… he’s pretty sure he’s not just being egotistical when he’s saying that that was a good fuck. It was an _objectively_ good fuck. And he thought it might have earned him a little bit longer as Blue’s plaything at least. Blue didn’t meet anyone planetside this time, after all, and suuuure maybe Blue was just too busy to arrange a rendezvous, but the naive part of Zero is filled with false hope anyway.

Three days soon turns into a whole _week _and by the time they’re flying away from this shitty little planet, they’re all exhausted and covered in more scars - both physical and emotional - than they can count.

Zero spends a nice long time in the fresher and nearly contemplates spending a rare night out of his suit before he gets too sickened at the sight of himself and dons the tight leather anyway. He leaves the helmet off and accepts that that’s as relaxed as it’s going to get.

He puts on some tunes, kicks his bare feet up over the end of the bunk, and settles in for some well-earned rest when he hears a timid little knock at the door.

He bolts upright.

There’s only one person on the Bluebird who knocks like that. It’s Blue, it has to be. Which means, he’s here for sex. How the hell can he be awake enough for sex?!

Zero is frozen in place for a moment - he’s too tired to even contemplate sex, but he’s missed Blue more than he wants to admit… and there’s no harm in finding out what he wants, right? He reaches for his helmet and puts it back on. He reaches for the boots too but hesitates, too tired to care right now if Blue’s repulsed by his hairy feet or not, and pads towards the door barefoot instead.

He opens the door to the sight of Blue, pulling nervously on the long sleeves of his pyjamas. He looks, somehow, even smaller than usual. Maybe without the weight of his ego, he just appears that way. Meek. Timid. Nervous.

“Hi,” Blue says, avoiding his gaze.

“Hi?”

“The creature was on my bed.”

“The...creature?” Zero says, trying to piece it together, because this interaction doesn’t have any of the hallmarks of a seduction.

“From that disgusting planet. It got in my bed. Dirt everywhere.”

“Oh. Do I… need to kill it?”

“No,” Blue says, stepping over the threshold. “It's dead.”

Zero is still confused. If Blue doesn’t need his help as pest control, then he’s not sure why he’s here. That is, until Blue strides right over to his bed and makes himself right at home.

He wants to sleep here.

“Uh…”

“Is this…” Blue starts, nervously bouncing on the edge of the bed, “Okay?”

And, no.

This was not on Zero’s list of approved activities. This has to be breaking some kind of boundary. Zero is to be used for sex - _meaningless_ _sex_ \- and nothing else. Sleeping was not part of the agenda. Cuddling was not part of the agenda. He didn’t even want Blue anywhere _near_ his bed and had actually been very successful in avoiding that thus far.

But… Blue looks so soft and vulnerable and like he might actually cry if Zero says no. Zero has the strength to indulge in a little domestic fantasy, right? For a single night? They’re both so tired that they’ll probably fall straight to sleep anyway.

He is really tired, and Blue looks really warm and cuddly, and as long as the helmet stays on, what’s the harm, right?

“Yeah,” Zero says, locking the door behind him. “Yeah, it’s okay.”

-

Zero wakes up feeling warm and sated and inexplicably happy. There’s a weight on his chest, little strands of hair between his fingers, and the sound of Blue’s deep and even breathing beside him. Safe. Happy. Zero sighs contently, allowing the hazy space between dreams and reality to dissolve the very notion of time; his desire to stretch this single peaceful moment into years, into lifetimes…

But reality cannot be held at bay for more than a moment. He opens his eyes and despite preparing himself, is still caught off guard by the stunning sight before him. He has always loved the sight of Blue asleep. He knows it’s kinda creepy, especially that he was staring long before they started fucking, but there’s something about seeing such a high-strung man so relaxed that has captivated him since the beginning. He’s suddenly reminded of that moment last week when he entered him, of Blue’s slack jaw and boneless body, as if he had reached nirvana. Zero has the same feeling now, as he did then - a deep protective instinct to make sure Blue is always this peaceful; this safe and content.

But, he has no right to feel that way. Blue isn’t _his_ to look after. At least, not outside of a professional capacity.

He needs to keep this about sex. He needs to stop the boundaries from blurring any more than they already have.

Resolved, he reaches into the bedside cabinet for the fabric that he keeps there. He had acquired it for bondage activities since Blue seemed to love being tied up so much but now he has thought of a whole new purpose for it. Or, a dual purpose. Yeah… a dual purpose. Even better.

He’s about to tie the makeshift blindfold around Blue’s head when he remembers the whole consent snafu they encountered with the fingering and realises he’d better make sure. Blue is slowly rising to consciousness anyway.

“Hey,” Zero whispers, placing his hand on Blue’s chest to ground him, “I wanna do something to you, that okay?”

Blue makes a sleepy contented noise and stretches a little beneath Zero, and Zero is fighting with his every instinct not to find it so darn cute. “Mmm-hmm,” Blue murmurs, nuzzling into Zero’s shoulder.

Zero figures that’s all he’s gonna get in Blue’s sleepy state and slips the blindfold over his eyes. Before Blue can question that part of the plan, Zero’s already got the other strip of fabric and is tying Blue’s hands to the bedframe. This _definitely_ wakes up Blue, or, at least, a certain part of his anatomy.

“This okay?” he asks, just to make sure.

Blue nods enthusiastically. Very enthusiastically. And Zero wonders why he hasn’t been tying him up every damn time.

Now comes the scary part. Zero steels himself and carefully peels off his gloves. Bare hands. Bare feet. He’s already more naked in front of Blue than he’s ever been, but… it’s not enough. Not for what he wants to do.

He takes a deep breath, and then goes for the latch on his helmet. It depressurises with a hiss, and it must be loud enough for Blue to hear because of course he immediately comments on it - “Are you…?”

Zero places his helmet on the bedside table. “Yeah. If that’s… if that’s cool.” He swallows down the shame that bubbles to the surface - Blue doesn’t know how deformed his mouth is. He’s never seen it. But a blow job is a blow job, right? What man in his right mind is going to say no to that? Admittedly, Zero’s got a few sharp fangs to be wary of but he’s fairly confident that he’s not gonna accidentally chew off his boss’s dick… he hopes. It’s been a while since he’s mangled a straw at any rate.

Zero shakes the negative thoughts out of his head. No, he can do this. He _knows_ he can do this.

He looks down to see Blue nodding and biting his lip coyly as he eagerly pulls against his restraints. Zero’s thankful he thought ahead for once, otherwise he knows without a doubt that Blue’s hands would be on his bare face, marking out every hideous scar. Zero shudders at the idea; as soon as Blue realises what’s under the guise, he’ll put an end to this. No one wants to fuck someone as hideous as Zero.

But, right now, Blue doesn’t know this, and his erection stands proud and his cheeks are flushed and for the first time Zero is breathing in the same air as him and it’s kinda intoxicating. It’s enough to pull him back into the moment.

“Please,” Blue whimpers.

Zero’s never been able to say no to him.

He braces his arms on the bed either side of Blue and carefully hovers an inch or so over him, looking down at his rucked pyjamas and exposed skin and deciding where he wants to explore first, like a fussy patron contemplating an extensive menu. He wants to taste _all_ of it.

His elbows crook and his face hovers half an inch above Blue’s neck, his lips tantalisingly close to the skin. He can see Blue’s pulse point throbbing through his pale skin. He takes a moment to breath him in, inhaling Blue’s scent without the barrier of his helmet, and the smell nearly overwhelms him. He feels like home. He wants to throw his clothes off and bury himself in it, get as physically close to Blue as possible until his scent becomes his own. Force, how he _wants_.

It takes what feels like every muscle in his body to lever him away again. With that one smell, his dick is as hard and as ready as a plummeting asteroid. When he manages to open his eyes again, Blue is panting and flushed a delightful deep crimson, and Zero has no idea how he looks as wrecked as Zero feels. Maybe he just _really_ likes being blindfolded.

Regardless, the incident proves to Zero that he can’t be trusted to fool around here. If he lets himself be distracted by Blue’s body then he’s going to do something erroneously stupid, like slip his hands beneath the gaping silk pyjamas to find out how those pert nipples feel between his lips, or… his eyes follow his thoughts and loiter on Blue’s open mouth. _Force_. Those small, perfectly formed lips; coloured a gentle red like the hint of sunrise. He bets they’re just as soft as the rest of him...

Zero shakes his head, _again_, clearly proving for once and for all that he cannot afford to let himself get distracted. _Kissing_ is definitely not a permitted activity.

He shuffles backwards and Blue whines petulantly, like Zero getting away from his face and closer to his dick is actually a bad thing, before Zero lowers his mouth over his scantily-covered crotch and his petulant whine turns pornographic.

For a moment, Zero just lets his warm breath tease the enticing bulge in the silk shorts, until Blue starts raising his hips in a demanding fashion and Zero clamps his cybernetic hand over Blue’s dainty little hips to keep him still. Blue groans filthily at this move and the sound goes straight to Zero’s pants and throws all notion of patience out the window.

He shifts his weight onto his side so he can, with one hand, strip Blue of his shorts. Blue gasps at the sudden movement but raises his hips obligingly to kick the useless piece of fabric to the floor.

“Mmm…” Blue murmurs from beneath him. “I love your _efficiency_,” he purrs, like expedience is the kink of the century, and, hey, maybe for Blue it is.

Zero leans into his space to wordlessly steer him back to horizontal, and Blue obligingly follows. “Man, you’re such a dork,” Zero says, but in his soft whisper it sounds much more like a compliment than an insult.

He looks down at Blue’s soft, pliant, beautiful body, and allows himself a moment to indulge in the approximate organic version of “heart eyes” which he cannot normally display on his visor. Blue is so beautiful it’s actually breathtaking sometimes. And now, with Blue blindfolded, he is actually afforded a moment to appreciate the sight without recompense.

He allows himself this moment of sappiness for a grand total of thirty seconds before pressing his cybernetic hand firmly against his chest and swallowing down his dick with determination.

Blue flails against the clamp of Zero’s hand and makes some kinda strangled noise in the back of his throat, which, if Zero’s throat wasn’t otherwise occupied, would likely be making too. Blue’s panting loudly and Zero can hear his fingernails scratching at the headboard like he wants to be freed. That desperate sound combined with the novel weight of him on his tongue and that goddamn intoxicating smell surrounding him makes Zero wonder if he’s gonna come in his pants before he’s even finished offing Blue.

He focuses. Remembers that there are teeth to be aware of. And boundaries not to be crossed. And this thought wilts his boner enough for his head to clear and for him to think - _Right. Should probably be doing something other than just holding him in my mouth._

He pulls back a little, enough that his tongue can make little movements against the tip of his cock that make Blue’s strangled noises even more incoherent. He’s limited as to the moves available to him - half of his mouth is too gnarled to open wide enough, his throat is too close to Important Cybernetic Parts to risk deep-throating him, and then… you know, there’s the teeth to avoid... but he can do the basic up-down movement and swirl his tongue within these small confines and luckily enough this seems to be enough for Blue who is being just as vocal about his pleasure as usual.

He focuses on the mechanics of it as he brings Blue to the edge - suck here, nibble here, kiss here - so that he doesn’t go mad with the intimacy of it - the smell, the texture, the unbelievable sensuality of it all. It seems to work because in what feels like mere minutes Blue is gasping his name and hitching his breath in that way that Zero has learnt means he’s close to the edge. For a single, ridiculous, moment, Zero wishes he could feel Blue’s little fingers wrapped around the tufts of fur by his ears, pulling the hair in his desperation to come, feeling every inch of that journey in the most physical way possible.

He’s so lost in this little fantasy that the sudden gush of warmth in his mouth takes him by surprise. He chokes, pulling away, having failed to swallow the seed. He feels hot shame flush his body as he continues to gasp for air. He karked it up. Of course he did. His body isn’t made for Blue’s. Tears prick his eyes that might not have anything to do with the oxygen starvation.

“Hey-” a rough whisper breaks through his spiralling. Blue sounds breathless but concerned, thankfully unable to see Zero’s expression through his blindfold as he looks up at him. “You okay?”

Zero forces himself to blink back the tears. To swallow. To breathe. To act like this was all irrelevant to him. “Yeah, man, sorry, I… my mouth’s kinda messed up, sometimes it’s hard for me to-” he freezes mid-sentence. That hadn’t been the casual dismissal he had been aiming for. Terrified, he turns to look down at Blue, dreading the look of disgust no doubt on his face…

But, Blue doesn’t look disgusted. Blue is just frowning, like he’s confused or concerned or something. “Oh,” he says, which doesn't help clarify the matter.

“Yeah…” Zero says awkwardly, running a hand over his face. “Sorry.”

This time Zero recognises the frown. This is the frown Blue makes when he’s _pissed_. “Don’t be _sorry_,” he says all offended-like. “Like it even kriffing matters if you do or do not swallow.”

“I…” Zero starts, and then has no idea where to go from that point. “You don’t...mind the… the...?” _horrible disfigurement_ are the words he can’t bring himself to say.

“Mind what?” Blue says indignantly, looking all high and mighty which is a feat considering he’s tied up, blindfolded, and naked from the waist down. “Getting sucked off? Having a mindblowing orgasm? No. Can’t say I mind. But having to deal with your ridiculous body image issues when I could be returning the favour? Yeah. That I _do_ mind. So if you care to untie me...” he says, raising his tied hands impatiently towards Zero.

Zero blinks once, twice, and still can’t process the implication. Blue likes everything new and shiny and perfect. How can he possibly be okay with this? With _Zero_?

Zero clears his throat and reaches for his helmet to put an end to the possibilities going through Blue’s mind. “You don’t need to return the favour, Blue.”

He unties the binds, restores the pyjamas, and leaves the room before Blue can even remove his blindfold.

-

That night, Blue follows Zero back to his room in a Very Obvious Way and Zero tries not to show the spring in his step too transparently. The lock clicks behind them when they’re safely into his room and Zero is excitedly planning the night’s sexcapades when Blue changes the mood entirely.

“You never let me touch you,” he accuses.

Zero turns to see Blue leaning against the door with folded arms, literally barring the exit. “Uh,” Zero says eloquently, as he had been expecting sex and this is quite the u-turn.

“This morning you left without coming. It's not the first time either. So, I want to jack you off,” he states with a intimidatingly straight face. “Tell me how we can do that. Without, you know,” he says with a vague gesture at Zero’s whole being, “you getting all weird about it.”

“I don’t…” Zero starts, mind still reeling. He doesn’t want Blue to see his dick, and he definitely doesn’t want to _see_ Blue seeing his dick; he’s not sure his self-esteem could take such a look of disgust; but like… he also _really_ wants to get laid. “Lights off,” he commands. “Hands only. Dick out, everything else covered.”

“Helmet off,” Blue negotiates even as he reaches behind him to turn off the lights and throw them into pitch black.

“Dude _why_?” Zero exclaims.

He hears the rustle of fabric and assumes Blue is shrugging or otherwise trying to make light of his very specific request. “I dunno, it’s more intimate or something, just do it.”

Zero grits his teeth, unhappy, and not understanding Blue’s game, but he supposes he has to compromise on something. “Fine. But no… touching my face or anything.”

A harrumph of agreement and then, “A kiss.”

“What?!”

“You heard me,” Blue says firmly, and Zero can’t see it but he knows from his tone that his arms are folded and his face is set, just like they are every time they’re making a hard deal. “All of that, fine, but after I jack you off I want a kiss.”

“A peck,” Zero growls, “On my terms. Final offer.”

“Fine.”

“Fine.”

“Shall we get to it then?” Blue says impatiently, and Zero hears his clothing hit the floor.

Zero has another moment of wondering how the hell he got himself into this situation before he hears Blue confidently stride past him, a slither of naked skin brushing against his suit, and it temporarily banishes all thoughts from his mind. “Are you _naked_?” he blurts.

“You didn’t say I couldn’t be,” comes Blue’s smug answer.

Zero swears under his breath, knowing full well that if Blue is naked then this is probably going to end up being more than just a hand job. That conniving, little -

“Are you coming?” he asks impatiently, a little creak of bedsprings implying that he’s already buck naked on his bed, ready for business.

Zero sighs and reaches for his helmet. “Yeah, man, I’m coming.” With a click and hiss, his helmet is removed and his eyes see even less than before. It’s pitch black now. He stumbles towards his bed, with less confidence _in his own room _than Blue displayed, and places his helmet on the side table. Then there’s an eager little hand against his thigh -

“You didn’t say -”

“I thought I didn’t have to,” Zero grumbles, swatting the hand away, and trying to gracefully manoeuvre himself towards the bed.

He doesn’t know how successful he is but he lands on the mattress and before he knows it Blue is straddling his lap.

“You didn’t say anything about positions either,” Blue says before Zero can complain. “This is why you always leave negotiations to me. You’ve never been very good at pushing for what you want.”

Zero groans, trying to remembering how to speak when he has Blue’s naked body wrapped around his waist and Blue’s warm breath against his cheek. This is more intimate than he had ever imagined. He’s terrified and exhilarated and he has no idea how he’s going to resist kissing Blue for all he’s worth when his lips are literally only centimetres away from his own. When he does speak, his voice comes out all gravelly from restraint, “There’s no point in me negotiating,” he growls, “because you always get what you want.”

“Yes,” Blue purrs, “I do.”

And then Blue’s hands are on his pants and then his fingers and on his dick and Zero’s brain short-circuits before it even had a chance to reset.

He swears at the sudden sensations electrifying his body. It’s been his own hand doing this for so long that he had forgotten how good it could feel when it was someone else; different grip, and pressure, and touch… how tentative and experimental it is because Blue doesn’t know yet what feels good and what makes Zero see stars… it’s all new to him and every move is thrilling.

Instinctively, Zero reaches for him. A hand comes to rest against Blue’s spine and another one his bony little hips, holding him close. His warmth, his scent, the intimacy… it all threatens to overwhelm him.

Zero doesn’t realise how karked his breathing is until there’s a little huff of amusement that he feels against his lips and he realises Blue _has_ noticed. “You really like this,” Blue observes, as his thumb starts gaining confidence at the tip of his penis and Zero nearly loses his kriffing mind.

“It’s…” Zero starts, only to break off into a moan, “Been…” another gasp of surprise as Blue applies a _delightful_ pressure, “A while,” he manages to conclude.

He knows Blue’s cocky little smile so well that he swears he can almost see it in the pitch dark. His admission is rewarded with an unexpected twist of the hand though and Zero bites out another groan, his hand, in search of better anchorage, winds its way up into Blue’s hair before he can even process the action.

_Gloves_. Why the hell is he still wearing _gloves_?

He groans in a mix of pleasure and frustration and leans forward just a little so he can use his teeth to tear off the offending item.

“Yes,” Blue gasps as Zero’s hand finally returns to his head, and Zero can feel for the first time just how soft and delicate his hair is beneath the pads of his fingers. He can’t even bring himself to be worried about his clipped claws or the excessive hair that covers his hands. Blue can’t _see _and it gives him a freedom he’d never imagined, cradling his head, letting the silky strands of his hair fall between his gnarled fingers.

He moans and pathetically it might be more at the heavenly feel of Blue’s hair in his hands than at the attentive ministrations on his dick. He whines, overwhelmed, and bows his head to rest in the crook of Blue’s neck. He knows he shouldn’t. He knows he’s going to regret this - the hand in the hair, the touch against his bare skin, the fact he can feel Blue’s erection between them - but right now he just wants to breathe in as much of Blue as he can.

“Please-” Blue gasps.

Zero doesn’t know what he’s asking for until he notices that Blue’s spare hand is no longer on the bed beside them, but is rubbing circles on his exposed neck. Oh, _Force_, Zero knows what he wants and he’s too weak to resist. He nods his head in the safety of Blue’s shoulder. “Yeah,” he says brokenly. “Yeah, you can touch me.”

And then there’s Blue’s delicate fingers threading through the fur on his head and Zero thinks he might cry with the kriffing salvation of it because Blue isn’t pulling away in disgust, no, he’s inching closer, making soft little sounds almost as desperate as Zero’s. He never thought anyone would hold him with such reverence, especially not Blue, _never_ Blue, but… here he is, his perfect hands pulling Zero slowly apart.

He loves him. _Kriff_, he really loves him. Truly, deeply, the whole shebang.

It’s real tears then, leaving with a gasp and a shudder as another wave of pleasure passes through him. Zero cries, knowing it’s pathetic, but taking solace in the fact that the dark will hide his shame. Blue can’t see his gnarled face, or his matted fur, or his augmented hand, and he definitely can’t see the tears slipping down his face. He feels… _safe_. He just hopes all his pitiful whimpers are mistaken for gasps of pleasure as Blue brings him closer and closer to the edge.

Then, Zero finds himself begging, as his hand on Blue’s back makes its way to his front and then down to his abdomen. “Can I-?”

It’s the only thing that would make this more perfect, he thinks, if they were matched in this as well. Not to mention that jerking him off would be a great distraction from the whole _crying_ debacle.

Instead of answering verbally, Blue just tilts his hips slightly until his dick slaps against Zero’s palm. Zero sighs, fondly exasperated, not knowing what he was expecting other than yet another indignant wordless command from his boss. The hand that holds him is still gloved and Zero takes a hot second to be thankful because he’s already overwhelmed with enough sensation as it is. Man, it feels good though. He doesn’t know when Blue’s dick started feeling so natural in his hands and when he started to understand every little hitched breath and moan that he makes under his ministrations, but he _does_, and he can’t find it within himself to feel at all bad about it. It already sounds like Blue is getting close to the edge which is mind boggling considering he’s been untouched this whole time but, hey, maybe Blue just really likes giving hand jobs.

But, Zero realises, there’s also something far better that they could be doing. “C’mere,” he mutters, and abandons Blue’s dick for a millisecond to loop his arm around Blue and scoot him just a half inch closer. Blue groans and Zero lets out a breathy chuckle at the reminder of just how much Blue likes being manhandled. Their fronts are pressed almost entirely together like this and it makes Zero’s heart pound with want.

Before Blue can complain about the interruption, Zero wraps his hand around _both_ of them this time, his large hand just about able to cup the two of them, and Blue, immediately onboard, mirrors the movement the other side.

“_Yes,_” he breathes in approval, and Zero basks in his rare praise.

There’s something almost divine in the feel of their hands working together and producing such pleasure, like they were designed to coexist this way, the two of them working together so perfectly, whereas in every other situation they can’t help but clash. Every time they fuck he comes to a similar conclusion; like they were meant to be together; like they were designed to _fuck _at the very least; but, _Force_, he knows as soon as Blue leaves his room the illusion will shatter and they’ll be back to sniping and bickering and putting salt in each other’s caf, but right now… right now they’re in perfect harmony and he doesn’t want to let it go.

It comes too soon though, the pleasure building to a tingling in his spine, and Blue’s moans reaching a pitch that he knows all too well. Unconsciously, his hand in Blue’s hair tightens, unwilling to let go. Blue whimpers, curling towards him all he can, his head falling atop of his own. It’s intimate, it’s all too intimate, and it’s going to shatter just as soon as he comes. Zero scrunches his eyes shut and memorises the feel of Blue’s breath against his skin and his hand tangling in his fur and the overwhelming sensation of his dick sliding against his own -

He yells as he comes; the anguished sound torn from deep within him tangled with frustration and pleasure as he clings desperately to Blue and rides the high out. Blue’s not long behind him, thank the Empire, his seed spilling with the loudest moan Zero has heard yet.

Zero pants, trying to regain his breath and his sanity, as he comes to the realisation that if Aava and Synox didn’t know they were fucking before, then they definitely did now. Over a kriffing _handjob_.

Zero feels Blue sag with exhaustion against him, his hand slipping from his head down to his shoulders. The hands around their dicks fall shortly afterwards. The only hand left is the one in Blue’s hair but he feels reluctant to pull away; his claws still wrapped around his delicate tendrils of hair, like a fly caught in a spider’s web. He should go but…

Blue’s head tilts slightly atop his and he realises, belatedly, that he promised him a kiss. Of course. That’s why Blue hasn’t pulled away yet. Dread and anticipation crawl beneath his skin.

Zero pulls away from the crook of Blue’s shoulder so that he can sleepily rest his forehead against Blue’s. A peck. That was all he promised. A peck. Then he can untangle his limbs from Blue’s warm, sated, body, and go their separate ways. The thought fills him with sorrow as much as it does relief.

Zero takes a deep breath and steels his courage, before bowing his head and gently pressing his lips against Blue’s.

Blue inhales sharply, like he hadn’t been expecting it even though he demanded the damn thing, and his fingers clench against his neck. For a moment, everything seems to stand still. Lips against lips. Heart against heart. Skin against skin.

_He’s behaving_, Zero realises when Blue’s fingertips twitch against his bared skin. Blue said he wouldn’t touch his face and he actually _isn’t_. Zero is so overwhelmed by Blue’s uncharacteristic act of altruism that in a surge of mushy feelings he brings his own hand - the one still sticky with their shared release - to cradle Blue’s jaw in a further act of intimacy.

It’s just a static press of lips-against-lips, mouths closed, but it sends sparks down his spine and lets something loose to rampage inside his chest. How is it they can fuck each other five ways to Sunday but it’s these little tender moments that wreck him so utterly?

The scant air between where their lips meet tingles with temptation. Blue’s lips are so soft and small and just as sweet as he’d always imagined.

He’s so occupied with his reeling thoughts that the kiss has already lasted longer than any sane person would deem a “peck”. Blue’s hand is still against his neck, urging him closer, Zero’s fingers are still tentatively against his jaw and tangled in his hair, and they’re just… suspended… Blue stubbornly not backing down and Zero, the lovesick fool he is, unable to tear himself away.

But, Zero realises, Blue hasn’t deepened the kiss either. He’s still respecting the boundaries that Zero established. Zero probably shouldn’t be finding this as sexy as he is but Blue _never_ gives him control and he’s kinda high on it… with Blue not pushing for once, Zero realises that he really, really, wants to break some rules himself…

The cover of darkness gives him the confidence he needs and Zero tightens his grip on Blue’s jaw, decided, before he opens his mouth the best he can, and moves his lips ever so slightly against Blue’s.

Blue shudders in his arms and for one heart-stopping minute, Zero thinks that his inevitable disgust has finally surfaced; that now he’s felt Zero’s disfigured mouth against his own, he’s sick with revulsion, but then… his arms tighten around him, his mouth opens eagerly beneath his own, and before Zero knows it, Blue is _devouring_ him.

The post-coital dreamlike peace they had is unceremoniously shattered in seconds as they make out like teenagers in the dark, hot and heavy, as their bodies explore each other in this all new way. Blue is still being so good at keeping his hands to himself, which warm’s Zero’s heart as his own hands roam freely across Blue’s body and through his hair, clenching and claiming and never wanting to let go. Every brush of lips lights a fire within him and he can never get enough. Blue’s _kissing_ him, he actually wants to be kissing him, and his seeming acceptance is intoxicating.

_I love you, I love you, I love you_… now he’s admitted it to himself, it’s become a mantra with every kiss and every touch; he’s _consumed_ by it.

Eventually their energy flags, and when it’s no more than sloppy kisses against cheeks and breathing in each other’s air, Zero realises that he still can’t bring himself to let go.

He clears his throat and places another soft kiss against Blue’s lips because he _can_ now and he’ll be damned if he doesn’t take every opportunity. “You can, uh, stay… if you want to,” he murmurs against his lips.

Blue’s fingers, for the first time, leave their cocoon against Zero’s neck and hover above his face, close enough that Zero can feel the individual hairs reaching for him. “What about…?” he asks. “When it’s morning, I’ll be able to see-”

Zero turns his head and catches Blue’s inquisitive fingers in a kiss. He hadn’t thought that far but the idea doesn’t scare him as much as it used to (either that or the dopamine is really doing it’s thing.) “I don’t think I’ll mind,” he whispers against Blue’s finger, licking the tip of it in a reminder of their last morning spent together… _that_ very morning, in fact.

Blue whimpers, the flirtation clearly easing his worries, and rests his head on Zero’s shoulder, turning his head to the side so he can kiss that scant strip of skin on his neck which has rapidly become his own.

Zero sighs, boneless and sated, and falls asleep almost as soon as his head hits the pillow.

-

Zero wakes up with a gasp in an absolutely panic not three hours later. It’s still pitch black. There’s a weight on top of his arm. He feels like he’s going to throw up.

He yanks himself free and makes a run for it. He’s halfway down the dark corridor before he tries to enhance the view and realises that he left his kriffing helmet in his kriffing room. He swears under his breath, his steps faltering, as he debates whether or not to return for it. In the end, his flight instincts win out and he ends up stumbling towards the fresher half-blind and doubly stubborn.

He collapses against the door and slides down to the cold floor with regret. _He loves Blue_. The reality of it comes crashing down as he bangs his head back against the door, hard, in admonishment. How could he have been so stupid?! The boundaries he set were meant to stop life-altering revelations like this from occurring. He had always fancied Blue, sure, but that’s all it was meant to be. Blue wasn’t meant to take anything from him other than his time and his dick. But there he went, unceremoniously taking his kriffing _heart_, and sleeping in his _bed_, and creeping into his mind at 3am in the karking morning.

Zero drops his head into his hands to muffle his groan of frustration. Not for the first time he entertains the fantasy where he never step foot on the kriffing Bluebird and didn’t have to deal with this clusterfuck of a situation. How did he let himself fall in love with the insufferable, petulant, whiny, nerdy, brilliant, beautiful, fancy-boy that was the bane of his very existence? How?!

Zero strips and steps into the sanisteam in an effort to wash away this nonsense. After five minutes of standing under the cold recycled water, trying to convince himself that he isn’t totally karked, he realises he essentially has two options here - one: keep fucking Blue, two: call it quits. Both suck, so begrudgingly he does what Synox always tells him to do and makes a ‘pros and cons’ list.

Keep fucking Blue

Pros: time to indulge in his ridiculous feelings, getting laid, keeping Blue safe and happy, hearing that pornographic little moan of his day in and day out…

Cons: emotional torture of epic proportions

Call it quits

Pros: no torture

Cons: a very awkward conversation, not getting laid, falling out with Blue, getting fired, entrusting some backwards nerfherder with the important job of protecting Blue, never seeing Blue again, hearing months later about a young Minister dying alone and afraid in Rebel hands...

No. He’s not leaving Blue. It’s not an option. He’s just going to have to keep fucking Blue and pretend that he never had this damn L-word revelation. It’s the right call, he knows this, but there’s still a heavy weight in his chest at the idea of loving Blue but not… _loving_ him. A longing, unsatisfied.

With a sigh, he turns off the sanistream and wraps a towel around his waist. He attempts to brush his teeth and tame his fur but his efforts are perfunctory at best, laden with his sour mood. He leaves the fresher, clean but laden, and walks straight into the folded arms of Aava Arek.

“Hey handsome,” she drawls, eyeing his hideous body up and down like it’s something to eat.

Zero fumbles to tighten the towel around his waist. “You’ve really gotta stop calling me that,” he mutters under his breath.

“What was that?”

“Nothing. What are you doing here?”

“Waiting for the fresher. Obviously. What are _you_ doing here? You took longer in there than Blue on a Gala day.”

The mention of Blue brings warmth to his cheeks and a weight to his shoulders that Aava - the kriffing Force Witch - must be able to read like a book. “Nothing, uh, just, uh, had to pee.”

“Oh 0ni…” Aava sighs and the pity she displays makes Zero clench his fist. “You can talk to me, you know.”

Zero fidgets. He was already standing before her naked; she didn’t have to strip him further still. “Whatever you’re thinking, it’s not that. And I don’t want you prying into this.” He sees her opening her mouth and rapidly corrects his mistake - “Not that there is a _‘this’_. There’s nothing. At all. Just… a great, big, absence of ‘_this’_”

“Hmmm…if you say so,” she says in that unnerving, all-knowing, way of hers. Her arms are still folded. He’s still clearly barred from leaving this conversation. “In all that time taking up the fresher in the early hours of the morning _peeing-_” she says pointedly, “had you considered that _this _might be reciprocated?”

“There is no _this_, Aava,” Zero growls.

Aava raises her hands in defence. “Whatever you say, handsome. Just… maybe it’s worth considering the possibility of such a thing before you carry out whatever self-destructive plans you had cooked up in the sanistream at three a.m.”

Zero’s hands tighten on his towel, not wanting to give that notion any thought, yet alone a response.

She rolls her eyes, as if his silence is to be expected, and then moves to brush past him. “What are you waiting for?” she drawls, “Go get it,” she urges with a wink and a slap on his bum.

Zero startles and trips over his feet in the right direction at least. “I’m not _getting_ anything,” he retorts just as Aava closes the fresher door with a knowing smile.

He looks back down at the dark corridor leading to his room and swears profusely.

-

There’s a low level of light leaking from the door to his room which instinctively fills him with dread. Blue is awake. Is he still here? Or did he cut and run?

Zero takes a deep breath and opens the door, not knowing which option he actually wants, until he sees Blue on his bed and is instantly filled with relief. Blue’s waiting for him with the light on the lowest setting, sat cross-legged, fidgeting with his hands; his entirely body radiating anxiety.

Zero closes the door and slips into the shadows of the room just as Blue looks up.

“I didn’t know if you’d… or if I should…?”

“Went to pee,” Zero states.

“Oh,” Blue says, but it sounds like he believes the lie just as much as Aava.

An awkward moment passes between them where Blue is probably working out if he wants to leave and Zero is working out if he wants him to want to leave and it’s all so horrible and awkward that Zero is kinda glad when Blue just asks, “You want another round?”

“Do _you_?” Zero blurts in disbelief before he can stop himself.

“Of course _I_ do,” Blue says haughtily, “I offered, and I never offer anything I don’t want to give. So are you going to fuck me or not?”

Zero reels a little at Blue’s posh little voice say the word “fuck” in the same casual way he says “caf” and then comes back to reality when his boner starts to push against his towel. “I’m naked,” he says awkwardly.

“Obviously,” Blue drawls.

“And that’s…?”

“Of course it’s okay, you utter buffoon. Turn off the light and get over here.”

“No.”

“What?”

“Uh…” Zero says, trying to catch up with his mouth. “No to the light. Or, I mean, yes to the light. Not dark. This is… okay. If this is okay.” The light level is enough to see Blue’s face but dark enough to hide Zero’s most hideous scars, and in the dreamlike state of three am where nothing feels real and everything feels possible, making love like two ordinary people seems possible, even for them.

“Yeah…” Blue says in that soft voice that makes Zero’s heart pound. “Yeah, that’s okay. Just get over here already.”

Blue reaches out a hand in an invitation which is all too easy to accept. In the harsh light of day, he wouldn’t allow this, but his heart is still raw from his earlier revelation and Blue’s soft kisses are like salve for his wounds. This beautiful man wants to kiss him, and hold him, and wrap his naked body around his. It’s unreal. He doesn’t want to look into Blue’s eyes for any longer than he needs to, in case he sees even a glimpse of the disgust that he must feel, but when Blue is panting his name and clawing at his shoulders, his desire seems real enough to temporarily assuage his doubts and let Zero fall into the fantasy of loving him completely.

As they fall asleep for the second time that night, Zero feels Blue’s fingertips roam over his scars and his hardware, ever inquisitive. He’s too exhausted to stop him, and Blue is seemingly too exhausted to ask, but they lie there for a moment, still entangled, regaining breath and high on release. He closes his eyes and a profound peace befalls him.

He loves him. And it doesn’t matter if he feels the same. It doesn’t matter if their tender lovemaking was a pretence. Because Blue is the only one who has ever made the effort to see behind his facade. He’s the only one who’s somehow gotten to the core of him. The only one who’s seen the real him - the ugly, the messy, the insecure - and _liked_ it. So what if it’s only for a fuck? Blue is touching parts of him - both physically, and metaphorically - that no one has ever dared touch, and that’s worth whatever emotional torture is in store for him.

_It’s worth it_, he thinks as he feels Blue’s contented smile against his shoulder._ It’s worth it. _

-

Zero wakes some hours later with a bubble of hope in his chest that he already resents. He let himself get all sappy last night, gave up every one of his boundaries, and as mindblowing as their early morning romp was, all naked and vulnerable, it’s likely not something he can repeat without serious consequences. He _loves_ Blue, and if he keeps on indulging in his feelings as evidently as he did last night, then Blue _is_ going to notice, and Blue _is_ going to leave.

But it’s okay. He has a plan. Now Zero knows Blue doesn’t mind going beneath the suit it means that they have many, _many_, more options. He’ll distract Blue with kink, and fetish, and definitely lots of bondage, and Blue will soon forget that they even had an intimate coupling that implied things that it definitely shouldn’t have implied. Back to sexy funtimes, with no room for squishy feelings.

It’s a good plan, but one that needs to be initiated straightaway before Blue starts thinking over what exactly happened last night...

Zero groans at the thought and pulls himself to full consciousness. Gotta fuck Blue. Gotta be chill.

Then he rolls over and realises he can’t do either of those things.

His hand lands on an empty, cold, bed. No Blue in sight.

Panic hits him like a bolt of lightning. No Blue. He ran. He saw Zero in the harsh light of day and was so repulsed that he fled. He’s throwing up his guts in the fresher. He’s in the cockpit hiring another bodyguard. Zero was too obvious last night and Blue knows he’s in love with him and he’s currently trying to find a way to execute him for it. Synox is heading to the room with a blaster right now. Or Blue is altering his programming. Or he’ll dump him on kriffing _Jakku _to rot with all the other spacejunk. That would serve him right, thinking he was deserving of -

The door slides open somewhere in the midsts of his panic attack and Zero sees Blue in the doorway holding two cups of caf.

“Oh.”

“You’re up,” Blue says simultaneously.

“I… Yes,” Zero says, trying to remember how to speak and wondering how visible the sweat patches are on his skin.

Very obvious if Blue’s awkwardness is anything to go by. “I, uh, went to get you caf,” he says redundantly, waving the cups around mid-air. “I also, uh, didn’t know if you’d want me to see…” he indicates to the bed and Zero realises, belatedly, that he’s sat buck naked on the sheets and without breaking eye contact reaches for the sheets to cover his junk at least. “So I thought I’d, uh, give you a chance to leave if you wanted to… so, um…”

Zero’s heart is pounding too hard to form thoughts yet alone words. Blue being _considerate_? There are no words. It’s a concept too foreign to process. He’s never even heard him hesitate so much before. Lord Adnau Wrengan: the man who always knows what he wants - who always _gets_ what he wants - reduced to this mumbling, awkward, boy. It’s weird, and uncomfortable, and shockingly endearing.

_Kark_.

The last thing he needed was another _feeling_ to add to the pile.

Zero shakes himself out of it and stretches out a hand for the caf. It’s the only non-verbal answer he can think to give while his mind is still reeling. _Yes, I want you to see me. Yes, I want you to stay. _

Blue presses the caf into his hands and electricity sparks at the brush of fingers against his. Zero’s eyes snap to his of their own volition and finds that Blue is looking right back at him with a vigorous blush on his cheeks. _Empire_ _be merciful_, they’re like naive little schoolchildren tiptoeing around their crush.

Zero clears his throat and manages to thank Blue and takes a sip of the scalding caf just to give him something to do that isn’t professing his undying love for his boss.

After a moment of awkwardly avoiding eye contact, Zero notices that Blue is doing the same blasted thing. His gaze keeps trailing towards Zero and then snapping away. Ah. His hideous body. He nearly forgot.

Zero shifts under the sheets, ashamed, and realises that maybe this is the gesture that made Blue so shy about looking. He had covered himself when Blue was asking if he could look… It was instinctive. But, like, easily misinterpreted, he supposed.

_Force_, could they have a singular conversation without misunderstandings?

He sighs and forcefully pulls the sheets aside, wanting to get this over and done with. If Blue can’t handle his naked body then it sucks and whatever but he’s kinda tired of guessing games and just needs to know what the situation is here. “You can look,” he says, nice and simple with no possible way to misinterpret, “You should know who you’ve been fucking.”

He’s so anxious waiting for Blue’s reaction that he’s sick with it, like, maybe he doesn’t want to look at all and he’s gonna call quits on the whole thing, and in the thirty seconds he’s waiting for an answer, he nearly convinces himself that’s the case, but then, oddly, Blue just smiles sadly down at the ground.

“I know who I’ve been fucking,” he says softly, and then, without a moment’s hesitation, looks straight into Zero’s eyes.

Zero’s heart skips a beat at the intimacy of the gaze. There’s heat there. And something deeper, something unreachable… if he was deluded he might even think it was… but, no… no, he could never…

Zero is still lost in his gaze when Blue steps forward and cradles his face, leaning down to take his lips tenderly between his own. Zero whines at the sudden surge of feelings the kiss awakens in his chest, his eyes flutter shut, his hands clench around the caf wanting so bad to touch, to rest his hands upon his to wordlessly beg “_stay, please stay_”, as he floats, suspended, in Blue’s orbit. _I love you_, he thinks desperately, just once, into the kiss, as if the sentiment can be wordlessly transmitted between them.

Blue pulls back and his hands wrap around Zero’s on the cup as if he knows just how close he was to dropping the damn thing on the floor. He kneels before him and from here Zero can see every dusting of freckles on his cheeks and every speck of blue in his eyes and he knows Blue can see just as much but he’s not afraid because Blue’s not so much as flinching as he looks at him. His heart soars at the sight because even in his wildest dreams he never thought this was a possibility. Even if all they are is a casual fling, even if Blue ends it right here and now, at least he will have given him this gift; the knowledge that he is perhaps not as broken as he thought he was. If someone with Blue’s high standards can find him attractive beneath his veneer then perhaps he genuinely is… attractive?

His revelation is cut short by the insistent tugging between his hands. He looks down to see Blue unceremoniously yanking the caf from his hands and chugging an unwise amount down his throat before returning it to Zero.

“There’s a concert. On Canto Bight. We’re going.”

“Okay?” Zero says, very much confused, as he has no idea why Blue is bringing up work all of a sudden. Blue’s always off on galas, and fundraisers, and concerts, all in the good name of the Empire, and Zero always accompanies him as his bodyguard. It’s part of his contract, even.

“No,” Blue whines, and he frowns in that cute way that means he’s getting annoyed. “I mean, _we_ go. Together. Together, we go.”

Zero opens his mouth to respond and finds that he has no words. Blue can’t possibly mean what he thinks he means.

“Unless you don’t want…”

Zero surges forward and captures Blue in a kiss before he can finish the thought. His mind is whirring, his heart aches and hammers in his chest, his stomach is full of nervous butterflies, he feels like he’s going to hurl, but Blue’s eyes are as wide and as crystal blue as an sunkissed ocean, and there’s a sparkle to them, a glimmer of something he doesn’t understand. Zero swallows, overwhelmed, suddenly unsure how to breathe. Maybe… maybe he does mean…

It’s impossible, but then he sees that glimmer, and he doesn’t know what it is but it’s like looking into a kriffing mirror, and suddenly it seems a little less impossible than before.

Zero takes a deep breath to steel his courage, daring to clarify what it is they’re talking about. Blue took the first step, now it was his turn to be brave. “Yeah,” he says stiltedly, every word a calculated risk. He licks his lips, his mouth suddenly dry. “I wanna…” he nearly chickens out, nearly makes a run for it, but then Blue’s eyes are there, locked onto his, and he _sees_ it again - that little glimmer - and it gives him the confidence to go on. He nods to himself, readying for the outcome, whatever it may be, and finally spits out the damn word - “Date. Go on a date with you.”

Blue’s smile breaks into something so wide and goofy and so unchoreographed that Zero immediately falls head over heels in love with it. His heart threatens to beat out of his chest. _He wants this? Blue actually wants this?_

Blue is already in his lap, enthusiastically making out with him, before Zero can even process the groundbreaking fact that Blue _likes _him.

“Good,” Blue says between breathless kisses. “Because I already bought tickets.”

Zero laughs against his lips, entirely unsurprised. “Of course you did,” he mutters, too busy nibbling the soft skin of Blue’s neck to actually be angry about it. “You always get what you want.”

Blue pulls back to look at Zero with uncharacteristic sincerity, “Yes, I do.”

Zero lets the gravity of the words sink in and wonders, for the first time, if Blue has wanted this for longer than just this fortnight, if perhaps he wasn’t the only one squirrelling away his feelings, afraid of rejection. He opens his mouth to say something, to ask how long perhaps, before Blue huffs indignantly and swats at his chest.

“Less talking, more kissing,” he demands.

Zero laughs and indulges in yet another one of Blue’s whims, and later when they’re fucked out and Blue is using his naked chest as a desk, he wonders, contently, if out of all the chaos, they have managed to find a new equilibrium.

**Author's Note:**

> You guys should know that I tried to have these two talk about their feelings like normal fricking people would and I have a three thousand word document of cut scenes to prove just how out of character that apparently is.


End file.
